The Life I Want

The life I want is relatively clear.

A life in which I can give freely to the people I care about; remain free enough not to be ruled by financial necessity or an organization; earn recognition for my ability through achievements of sufficient scale; and devote my time and resources to turning the ideas and curiosities I consider important into reality.

I want to become wealthy, but not so that I can consume more. I want to be able to refuse work I do not want, spend time on ideas that may not make money now, and give to the people I care about without having to calculate the cost. To me, wealth is closer to optionality than consumption.

Freedom alone is not enough. I do not want to retreat into comfort without having proved anything. I want to produce results of sufficient scale and have my ability recognized by people I respect. I also want to confirm for myself that my potential was real.

But I do not want to spend my entire life proving myself in pursuit of success. Achievement should make me freer, not confine me to another competition. If I endlessly pursue an organization’s judgment, the next position, and greater compensation, success ceases to be a means to freedom and becomes a new form of constraint.

As what I want became clearer, so did what I do not want.

I once thought success meant being known by many people. After thinking about it more deeply, I realized that I do not want public attention. Fame brings other people’s scrutiny and expectations along with recognition. In trying to gain freedom, I could instead become captive to their attention. I do not want a name everyone knows. I want people I respect to recognize my ability through what I have accomplished.

The life of a startup founder once seemed like the greatest form of success as well. But leading a company is not only about creating one’s own achievement. It means becoming responsible for employees’ livelihoods, investors’ capital, customers, and countless problems across an organization. I want to produce large results, but I do not want to assume responsibility for everything beyond my control in order to do so.

This does not mean that I will never start a company. If I find a problem I must solve and building a company is the most suitable way to solve it, I may choose to do so. But I do not want the title of CEO or the identity of founder for its own sake. It should be a means used when necessary, not a goal.

I want impact, but not exposure. I want great achievement, but not a life in which responsibility expands without limit. I want to succeed, but I do not want success to cost me my freedom.

The freedom I want is not a life of doing nothing. I want to study interesting problems, think for long periods, write, and sometimes build something myself. What matters is not so much what I do as whether I am the one choosing to do it.

Ultimately, I want a life in which I achieve greatly without becoming ruled by the consequences of that achievement. A life in which I have money but do not live for it, have earned recognition but do not live to seek it, and possess freedom without wasting it on meaninglessness.

And I want to use the time and resources that freedom gives me, freely and fully, for the people I care about and the work I believe matters.